Every once in a while there\u2019s a little death – a shedding skin, a broken promise, a memory growing fonder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sat on the couch of my mother\u2019s house, coming back after a tarot reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a cigarette, after a car ride.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sit, and I listen the album in one go, as I\u2019m in the process of dying a little – the reading was precise, it left me nowhere to go but here, listening and writing. As I listen, a memory is painted, a fiction of my reality becomes closer to my film-mind as I\u2019m in between the noises of moving through something, a space, a feeling, in-between conversations, stopped by you to hear your voice, sat on the couch of my mother\u2019s house. My mind moves with this music, as it reminds me how a memory is made – colour, softness, fragments, haziness, some heaviness despite the absence of mass and form – it has a way of occupying my subconscious, as I form a past form of my present, while looking through the window of a becoming. \u201cI couldn\u2019t find the light\u201d, confessing into a tape-recorder, a double-edged feeling of a minute before you (i) tell me (you) everything. What\u2019s about to happen is where everything happens. \u201cconditional love\u201d is as it is: hard to swallow but there as it may. Dissonance shows you how to love despite condition, or in condition. Red on purple are the colours I get. Every song title seems to be a fragment of a continuing conversation, something still between you and me, maybe a little death. \u201cjust\u201d then, a little peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The words \u201cunsaid\u201d, \u201cundone\u201d and \u201cforgiving\u201d keep showing up together as they form images, like pictures of something that becomes special because now there is a picture of it. In those pictures the unsaid and undone become. And there is a sound to it, I can listen to it inside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I keep listening I find comfort and hope in these titles; \u201cdoubt\u201d showing me a way when there seems to be none, done or gone. As I meditate about doubt and unknowingness, I wanna move into it, showing up with nothing but showing up. Scared and scarred. But you\u2019ve got everything, said the witch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Going with the doubt > staying with the fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The past months I have been in between home and becoming, not knowing what I needed was dying once more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It isn\u2019t about resolutions, but this music moves you through something. It takes you to a dream state, from being asleep to a look in the mirror in the earliest morning before anything else. It tells you something new might even be there waiting for you, but you need to die a little first – so take that time to die, let it die, and you\u2019ll walk again. The rest will follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Claire Rousay is now touring with \u201ca little death<\/strong><\/a>\u201d in the US and Canada. Check the dates here<\/strong><\/a> – go see concerts, buy music, bring a lover or a friend, go on a solo date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n